Utopia, My Happy Place: May 2006

sometimes i wonder what my purpose on this earth is for..
i wonder what my worth is.. i wonder why i feel how i feel.. i wonder why i act this way.. i wonder why i pretend that everything is ok when nothing is that ok.. i wonder how much longer i can stay strong.. i wonder why things and people have to change.. i wonder why every chapter of my life has to leave a scar..

many things have been getting to me. i don't know how much longer i can hold up. my temper is getting pretty bad. i'm only human, there's only that much i can tolerate.

i caught xmen over the weekend with des. it would be so cool if i were a mutant. initially i wanted powers that could prevent me from gaining weight. then when i really thought about it, would that really make me happy? is that what's most important to me? i realised that i'm gonna need a lot more than having mutant powers.

i caught over the hedge with xiaoyi and the little cousins. we had dinner at modesto. xinyi said something which caught me by surprise. she had some pasta and then decided that she wasn't gonna eat anymore because 'i am on a diet' she said. my goodness. a 9 year old saying that. so i asked her why.. she replied ' my dance costume shows my belly and i want a flat stomach. so i must eat a bit only.' i couldn't believe my ears. it's starting already. the discontentment. then comes the hatred. hating what you see in the mirror. then depression says hello once again. the vicous cycle. it kills your spirit, drowns your soul. then you lose yourself over and over again.

i miss going to church.

Andara Spa, Paragon

I went for training today at Andara Spa.. no it's not a new collection.. so don't get too excited.. haha... anyway, as usual I thoroughly enjoyed my training session with Celeste and our regional trainer who flew in just to grace this 'event'.

We had games, catwalks and presentations which got pretty emotional.. I was close to tears.. phew.. thank God I could hold them back.. There was so much laughter and fun.. we were playing, fooling around and basically just learning from each other. it's amazing how these trainings bring everyone closer whereby we really work as a team.. I won't really go into details because I don't want gossip queens talking about this..

there was plenty of cam- whoring.. it was hilarious.. loads of fun! You gotta click on the picture if you wanna see an enlarged version.. enjoy the pics, it's not everyday that you get to see a bunch of sexy people grouped together. HAHAHA..

Cheers.

huimei, jo, maz, me, abby & azza... outside Andara Spa

That's Michael, our brand manager.

Su, Renee, Celeste, Jo, Mel & Maz

Celestine Sng, my inspiration & motivation at M.A.C. She is truly an amazing woman.

i know.. very narcissistic.. but hey.. we're M.A.C girls..

renee & kamelia..

susan & renee..

gettin' cozy with maz..

i look so fat & frumpy next to jo! argh.. but i still love that girl..

aren't they gorgeous?

uncle beno!

maz, beno & me..

us with thai trainer.. her name is really long..

me, abby & maz..

Some of us from Tangs.. Susan, Maz, Reene and Me..

beno looks traumatized..

Abby & Susan.. being crazy as usual

the M.A.C. team..

playing punk by zooming in on our boobs.. (my non exsistent ones)

ahh.. this is better.. my darling shahida..

the wonderful people at my favorite bucks..

John's Bear

I've decided that my 10% monthly salary of thithings will not go to church. Instead I want to give that money to a Christian charity organisation. Mom told me that the day care that my grandma visits also house little cancer patients.

I've prayed about it and this is my way of giving back to God. My donations will be given to this particular boy called John. He's been diagnosed with cancer and he's only 8. I'm suppose to put the money in this teddy bear that he painted. (ok the bear is quite ugly but it's still sweet) Mom brought it home for me today and I've already put in the money. Every month, 10% of my pay will go into it.

As I look at the bear, I felt my heart aching. I don't know why I felt that way. I just felt so much for John even though I have not met him. He's so young and have already been through so much. It made me realise how fortunate I am despite all that so called shit I experience everyday.

I can be a real bitch sometimes, complaining like a fucking prostitute on how my life sucks when there are people whose lives suck even more. I have to learn to be less selfish. cb.

Do you have Slippery Nipples?

It's been a crazy week, I cried like a million times this week.. because of work.. I extended my tattoo.. the one on my thigh, I got my hair braided (for.. er 2 days??) and I ran 25 km this week.. 10 on saturday, with 2 pairs of socks.. I figured the chances of getting huge blisters would be less.. it actually worked you know! wahahaha...

I went to New Asia Bar on Monday night with the girls.. Toon's 21st birthday celebration.. the initial plan was to have dinner at 6th Ave.. somehow or rather they ended up eating chicken rice at boon tong kee.. which is hilarious if you ask me... I only joined them for drink cos I was working.. I had a blast even though I didn't really drink much..

Every outing with them is always fun.. they're so spontaneous.. things always get so crazy and stupid things happen. Toon got really wasted that night.. I guess that's because they decided to drink the bar dry.. - test tube babies, gentle testicles, after8, flaming lamboghini, green space, crush on you, blue equinox, AK47, lychee martini, apple martini, Ni hao ma (what a name), pussy delight, some 20 shots, beers and so on... No wonder toon was a goner.. she puked everything out at the end of the night.. haha..

It was totally whacked to see toon drunk.. she behaved like a complete moron.. which is really funny. she did tap dancing for us and some yoga stunts i think... the service there was excellent.. actually outside food and drinks weren't allowed cos Equinox served food.. but the staff there allowed us to cut our cake and eat it.. actually it's because Toon was so drunk she kept blabbering shit to the staff on how they should let her eat her birthday cake.. hurhur..

at the end of it, we had to carry her out and down to kerliang's car.. we took crazy photos of her in a drunken state.. very bad right? but it's all in the name of fun. heehee... the night was finished with mel and I sharing a cab home... along with toon's bag.. which we took by accident. HAHAHA..

Happy 21st Toon, and a belated one to Mel & Kerliang.. Durians & tua hway next ok?

Utopia, My Happy Place

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Sunday, May 07, 2006

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