i have so much going on in my mind.. but the words are somehow stuck.. i can't seem to get them out..
right now i don't really know how i feel... i feel a little ugly. i feel a little fat. i feel a little confused. i feel a little scared.
i've been thinking.. about my whole life- running every significant events that i've been through in my mind.. my days in st nicks, my days at tp, my days at mtv, xiaoyi's wedding, my 21st bday, my first real job, lena's death, family dinners, slumber parties with close friends, precious moments with my boy, christmas with the family.. everything that meant something just reoccur in my head. it's giving me a migraine... i smile at the thought of some, my heart aches at others.. it's a bitter sweet feeling..
it's so cliche when people say treasure what you have at the moment, cos once that moment pass you by, all that is left are mere memories... it sound so lame to say it but i totally agree with that.. the dearest of dearest memories can only be kept in my heart and replayed in my mind..
i don't know why i'm so bloody emo. damn irritating isn't it? i'm annoyed myself. haha.. sigh.. i wonder what i'll be like 10 years down the road. maybe i would have died already.. who knows.. life is so fragile..
do you realise that people with evil thoughts have this sinister look on their faces? i swear i can see evil growing on the faces of some people i know. it's so freaky. this unwelcoming darkness seem to loomed over their faces, their eyes seem to diffuse this unexplainable yet undeniable cruelty. it's as though they are Lucifer reincarnated as humans. sick isn't it?
why are there people who bask in other peoples' misery? what good does it bring them? it disgust me the way some people behave. so uncivilised. God help them.
my younger sis is mugging for her A levels.. somehow i envy her.. mama used to say that when i enter the working society i would wish i could study for the rest of my life. i never believed her and used to come up with all sorts of rebuttals to piss her off. today i finally see the light. mommy is right abt the work force.
in all my 22 years i've only worked at a couple of places.. all in all, there were wonderful and unforgettable experiences and also painful and hurting moments. i won't deny that politics are everywhere. being a working adult really opened my eyes to a whole new world. i've met people who are so utterly stupid that it's so painful working with them. you know how you get so damn fed up trying to communicate with them but because their little minds cannot digest anything that's too deep, they just won't get you. it can get very exasperating at times. it's as though they suffer from mild retardation. maybe it's the different family background and methods of upbringing. maybe it's because they are just sad little rodents living really sad lives therefore it's their lifelong ambition to cause sadness to everyone around them. maybe it's just their little minds working in their pathetic little ways- ignorance, immaturity, insecurity embedded in their almost dead minds.
seriously i never knew that there were such stupid (so called normal) people who existed. funny isn't it? i guess it's a good thing cos now i know there are such specimens of the human race.. mommy is right, there are so many different types of people out in this world. if it weren't for the fact that i was forced to grow up and take on a job, i would never have known that such lame- ass stupidity and ignorance actually grow on people.. and the worst part is when they fertilise their stupidity. like hello? wake up your idea numbskulls.
i can feel my eyelids getting heavy. i need to go..
